Alpha’s Badass Mate novel

---- understand it, but we both made each other miserable at times, and we both didn't understand each other's motives and feelings. We kept so much to ourselves , and all the shit my stepfather pulled..." "You haven't called him dad since you found out." Alex remarks cautiously, hoping he didn't cross a line. Ashly suddenly seems a little crestfallen. "I feel very strange about him and my relationship with him.

And the strangest part is that no matter how hard I tried or wanted to hate him, I couldn't. I used to yell at him a lot; I even yelled at him when he forbade me to see you again, but since learning about this deal he made you agree to, I've felt... numb. Like he took something vital from me. Sometimes I'm really sad and disappointed. But I find it hard to work through that, and he promised to never interfere in our relationship again.

I did tell him that I would cut him out of my life if he ever tried to, and I guess that did scare him enough." "T'm sorry, Ashly." Alex strokes her ankles and calves, feeling her heartache. "Tam, too, but I need to focus on us now. We came this far despite everything and everyone being against us.

And I'm never going to allow anything to tear us apart again." She smiles softly, still a little sad, but Alex knows how brave, strong, and amazing she is, and she will find a ---- way to sort out these feelings and salvage her relationship with her father. "Me neither. And I am truly sorry for everything I contributed. I know my reasons, but I shouldn't have let my pain hurt you more. That night, I got so drunk. Ashly quickly shakes her head. "It's okay." Alex shakes his head in turn.

"No, hearing you say that you wanted revenge made me realize how deeply hurt you truly were. Before that, I somehow had this crazy idea that I only had to sweep back into your life, annoy you, and stay close to you until you forgave me. And I think I really must have been mad to think it would work like that.

I don't have excuses; I just know that those years apart, and the things with my mom, and the company, and your stepfather, and even before then, not getting anything in return, no emails...

it all just fucked with my head, and I tried to make it make sense every day, and I was so exhausted all the time, and I missed you more than I ever had before, and I made up stories for why it was like that, and that I could make it all okay when I got back." His head falls back onto the couch rest, his eyes trained to an invisible spot ahead of him, getting lost in the most painful time of his past. "I had trouble sleeping, convinced that I had to shoulder everything on my own for everyone.

I've always had issues with troubling and burdening people since my father left, but if not for the thought of being with you again ---- someday, I'm not sure I would have made it through like that. And then I put everything I had into proving to my grandfather that I could be worthy of you, and somehow I completely shut out your reasons and feelings. And I wasn't there for you.

I was thinking of you all the time, but I failed to consider and empathize with you." He smiles sadly, the rawness of it still so painful, and glances at Ashly, regret, guilt, and heartache still vivid inside of him. "I would have preferred you beating me up than telling me you hate me and want nothing to do with me after you destroyed me. It's why I got so drunk, and I really hated myself so much.

I even hated loving you so much that I could never, not even a single day, stop thinking about you, and I hated that I couldn't fix it, that all Ihad been doing only made it worse for you and me, too." He takes a deep breath, caressing Ashly's leg up to his knee. "I felt so desperate and so hurt, and still all I wanted was to be close to you because I needed you so badly. You were the only one who could comfort me, but you didn't want me.

It's why I forced it on myself, because I couldn't cope knowing you truly couldn't forgive me and maybe really didn't love me anymore, not even a little bit. 1 know I made many mistakes and did many harmful things to you." Ashly sits up, her stomach and heart hurting for Alex and what he had to go through. She takes one of his ---- hands into both of his, gently caressing it.

"That night, all I really wanted was to find out why you were hurting so much and why you were so despondent."It hurt more than anything, but you still wouldn't tell me. It was bad, and I felt desperate, too, which is why I said that bullshit about getting revenge on you. I always react with anger when I'm deeply sad and don't know how to get rid of the pain, and I've never been sadder than I was when I was convinced I lost you.

But that night I also realized that I was clueless about what had really happened and that you were in so much more pain than I had known. And, yes, I didn't want to give in or admit to still loving you, but if things hadn't turned out this way, when would I have learned about the deal with your grandfather? When would we have gotten a chance to get rid of all the secrets and work through everything?

I wish we didn't have to hurt so much for so long, but I'd rather take that pain to have you now than not have you at all." Alex's breath quivers as he wipes a tear from the corner of his eye. "I still find it hard to believe you want me after all that; you're too good for me." Ashly pokes his shoulder. "Stop with the crap, Alex." Alex laughs softly and takes a deep breath.

"Anyway, thank you also for cleaning up after I puked all over your bathroom floor and for taking care of me when you had every right to throw me out. I still don't