Alpha’s Badass Mate novel

---- We are ok When Sam moved in, he stored a few things in the barely furnished room next to their bedroom. Monika never figured out what to do with The black box caught her eye that day, but Sam pulled her into a hug and kissed every thought out of her. She was so happy to be living together that Monika forgot all about it.

Sam is cooking, and Monika is bored-or, rather, avoiding reading another bland work report -so she showers , puts on some casual clothes , earrings , the new necklace she got from Sam, and a couple of her favorite rings , and wanders a bit back and forth. As she passes the room, she suddenly halts, looking at the door. She's clueless as to why the box resurfaces in her memory, and she could just ask Sam about it, but what kinds of secrets could he have in there he wouldn't want Monika to see?

Monika scoffs at himself, opens the door, and finds the box gone from where it was on the shelf. Odd. She looks around the room, but she can't find it-the only thing that hasn't been there before -a garbage bag that seems half full. ---- She hesitates , then looks inside, her heart jumping a little as she finds the black box in it. Maybe it's empty; maybe it's only trash. She can't not look. She takes it out, sits down cross-legged on the carpet, holding it on her lap, and stares at it.

It's not empty, or it would be lighter . She feels a tiny bit awkward , because if Sam wants to throw this away, well, it can't be anything special, and it's none of her business. She opened it, the image, drawing herself, staring back at her, shocking her into immobility. She blinks only when she becomes aware of her eyes burning, sucking in a breath, and cold shivers flooding her.

Her hand is a little shaky when she reaches for the paper, her face drawn in pencil, grey lines filling the white. Her eyes seem to pierce right through her, noticing the tears on her face on the paper and suddenly feeling them brimming inside her own. She looks so sad; the shock of being confronted with the sight, one she has always avoided, hardly ever looking at herself in a mirror, crushes her.

There's another drawing underneath that she pulls out with trembling fingers, freezing up harshly and silently gasping as she stares at Sam's face, torn with emotions: despair, devastation, grief, they all fit; memory flashes of him crying, begging Monika to ---- start over that night, popping into her mind, but the drawing looks even more painful , her true anguish showing, unveiled.

Her shaky fingers lose grip on the drawings, floating to the floor, her chest suddenly heaving with the onrush of his need to breathe, her eyes falling on another piece of paper, showing Monika again, but happy, smiling, and Sam handwriting. 'I really wish you happiness , Monika , but meet me once. Just once, please. Face-to-face, and let me try to find the words I always choke on. I need you. I miss you.

You can strangle me if you want; at least I could see you again.' Monika can hear him speak the words, can see his face, the slight hint of humor hiding his insecurity and fear, too often making light of his true feelings that are so deep he doesn't know how to voice them. Monika feels distraught and battered, with every part of her aching in a way she's not sure she's ever felt before.

There's a journal inside, as well, and by now Monika couldn't stop looking if he wanted to, and she was compelled to keep going and keep learning about Sam's real pain, even while it broke her. It's like a schedule with notes, and the sheer amount of tasks, responsibilities, and appointments overwhelms him just by reading about them. He