Alpha’s Badass Mate novel

---- But he feels like a coward, always avoiding and accepting being flawed when saying the right thing matters most. He can't let her down again. "Monika, those were just-" He blinks, Monika's hand suddenly covering his mouth, forcing him to stop. Monika shakes her head, averts her eyes, and closes them. A quivering breath shakes her body, and Sam can feel in his very core the need to make this right overgrowing.

Monika's hand drops, but faced by her eyes locking onto his once more, Sam stays silent , waiting with bated breath for his cue. Monika fingers on his left cheek surprise him, small, soft touches, Monika eyes lingering there, her features shifting, tender, frail regret. "T hit you twice here." Monika breaks. He stares at her face, small and lost in mourning, knowing where her mind is. The pain she must bear is insufferable to him.

He covers Monika's hand, his fingers softly cradling Monika, and takes them down from his cheek to his lips, brushing Monika's fingertips. "Tt doesn't matter; it never did.

I understand, Monika, I understand; please don't do this to yourself." ---- He's scared of how his attempts at coping with his own pain might have been damaged inside Monika, aware of each other's past's ordeals and the impossibility of erasing any of them, yet having been so hopeful lately that they will overcome it all and never be haunted again. Such a fool.

Monika closes her eyes again, her sigh reverberating in Sam's chest, her arms quick to embrace him as she falls against him, heavy and feeble. "I'm really sorry, Sam. I didn't see past my own anger and pain, either. I just lashed out at you without knowing anything . I really didn't know anything ." She sounds weak, regretful, and self-accusing. So hurt, so sad. Sam feels a familiar foe inside him.

A beast that feeds off of his woes, all sharp teeth, and insatiable hunger, taking out pieces of him at one time, almost devouring him wholly. "We felt different pain, but it feels like the same, and I didn't... 1 couldn't see how much you really suffered , not just because we were separated , but because of everything that happened there. I don't know how you did it." Sam listens, wishing he could wipe out Monika's memory of this, wishing he could at least take this ---- pain from her. "T...

don't know, either." Maybe he should at least be honest. He closes his eyes, breathing in the wonderful scent of Monika's hair, holding her a little tighter. "I can't imagine going through it again now, but it's always different when you're in a situation and have no choice but to act. I couldn't abandon my band, and Ijust had to figure it all out. I wasn't all on my own, you know? I just thought that if I got the most done in the shortest amount of time, it would sooner bring me back to you.

But I was very wrong." Sam feels a tear slide down his cheek, letting it go. His eyes open suddenly as Monika shifts in his arms, upright , looking at him, her hands moving to cradle Sam's face, her thumb gingerly drying his skin. She's still not crying, and Sam really wishes he would let go of it, cupping her face with her hands and caressing her skin just under her eyes.

"You didn't tell me much about what you went through, either; I heard most of it from your brother, and I get it, of course." Sam swallows, his gaze dropping to Monika's lips, tight and quivering. He looks up again, moving his fingers slowly and tenderly along Monika temples and forehead. "We're the same in how we keep the things that hurt ---- us inside; we just let them out differently if we do.

And we're the same, not wanting to burden and hurt each other, and we're the same, loving each other so much that it stifles us when we keep it hidden. We would r ather suffer alone than share it, and I think that always ends up hurting us more." He's flooded with heartache when the first tear spills from Monika's eye, followed by another , more and more, rushing after one another, but he's also glad and hugs the back of his head to draw him closer.