Alpha’s Badass Mate novel

---- She finds a way to keep things balancing on a thin tightrope; she could fall into a bottomless depth, but somehow manages. Without asking herself whether he's okay. Hoping he isn't, because he doesn't deserve to be, deceiving and crushing her. She is hoping he is okay, because she needs him to be. Always torn, always angry, always hurting , always pretending not to be Always waiting for something, unknowing. sek Sam always feels it in his chest.

The tension tightens , as if someone were pulling on invisible ropes around him, harder and harder, until his chest burns and stings, until air doesn't reach his lungs, and strangled sounds spill from his lips. Fear, so much fear. For his mother's health, for the baby, and for the company. Guilt-so much guilt. Yearning for it all to be different, so he wouldn't be stuck here. The shock ripped him apart-the hospital, the doctor's words, his brother's pale face, and tears.

His father and grandfather face him, scared, worried, and silently asking him to stay. But he loves his dream even more than his brother. Even more than his mate. ---- And he couldn't help but let the shock fall from him, to stand upright and confident, to meet their eyes, to be determined, and to promise. To take care of everything, to help until brother recovers, to help keep the company afloat, to help them with anything they want.

Whenever Alex asks about him, he evades him, tells him white lies, and rushes to get away from him. He's so confused, scared, and helpless. Why didn't he answer even one of her phone calls? Why didn't he react to what she'd been telling him? He said very little , of course , not wanting to worry her or burden her with his troubles. He doesn't understand his silence, and it messes with him. He's afraid. He mustn't demand anything, being the one far away and unable to keep his promises .

He mustn't anger her even more, and he's sure she's angry and hurt and resents him. But Sam really believes he can make it all okay, and he keeps holding onto that thought like a lifeline. When he gave an audition for a band, His time isn't his anymore.

His time belongs to others; he belongs to others; he hides his every bodily ache when he hasn't slept properly for days; he hides ---- his mind's ailments and depletion; and most of all, he hides the sore rifts inside his chest, chapping and scratching away at flesh and bone a little more every day.

He has no friends to talk to, doesn't want to burden his family, and longs and longs and longs to talk to his mate, the only person in the world with the power to make this weight he's carrying a little less crushing. But he messed up badly somewhere , and he doesn't know how to fix it, not from here. And he's been trying his hardest, despite the impossible situation , to keep showing Monika how much he cares, misses her, and wants to be with her when she comes to see him.

But he just isn't heard. He just won't listen. Helpless frustration splits him apart sometimes. When he is silent, he can't let the others hear, making him tremble with cold tension until he can't feel his body-nothing but soulless grief. He can't run from his responsibilities and duties, his band, but he is his as well, and he feels as if he broke them, and it won't matter whether it was his fault or not.

But if he doesn't pretend and lies to himself, he knows the real reason why he doesn't try more. It rushes him with terror to think of it, so he keeps it as deeply locked as possible. What if she doesn't feel as strongly? What if Monika